❤Brand new❤

It has been running through my mind. For the very first time, it went downhill for me. What a shock, and I was prepared for that. Expected...but never hope for it. Emotion draining from the peak. It's like the end of the world, but life still goes on. Nothing else I can do but just to lift my head up again and continue to move forward. Time is ticking, can I ask, please stop just for a moment? How I wish I can stay at that very moment forever. Wouldn't it be meaningless??? I wonder. Indeed I will never know what will happen in the future if I stop here.

I'm living in the grey. Not knowing which is white and which is black. No longer feel attached. How can I get the feeling back? By effort? By faith? By trust? By hope? By confidence? I've lost it all. Emptiness filled my heart. A loser. Tell me now, how can a loser be a winner again? Once again, I've repeated the same old mistakes. Again and again it goes in a circle. Break the bond and stop moving in the circle. First step has never been easy, but with the courage to take the first step, everything will be worthwhile. What are you waiting for then?

Counting down the days, it's going to end. By then I will have to see who is the lucky one, telling me the happiness you can give to. I can never deny that it sores, but it's the decision that I've made. Never regret, i told myself. Even if the whole world no longer mean anything to me, I will be happy. Happy for what He has given to me, MyFamily.I've learnt to fly solo.

It feels sad, but my tears were all dried up. No matter how hard I try, not even a drop that I can feel. Weird but good? My heart has harden, just like a diamond that it will never break. Beauty but it means nothing.

Strives hard enough, or even harder that I've never been to that level, still I have the same results. Questioning and doubting. O well... there's nothing else I can say or do. I'm tired enough. Give me a break. Deleting all the data in my memory. I need a new space from today onwards, to fill my new adventure of life. Appreciate my if you will. Leave me if you can't do it. Truth is all I want.

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤Imma Big Lier❤

I can't help it but to continue to lie to myself. Just by what is said, I can see that there's no longer a future. No matter how well I tried to maintain it, how much effort I've put, how much together-ness we have, there's only one ending. Question is answered, rather than accepting it, I deny.

Isn't it foolish? How can I do this to myself? Again and again, trying to hurt what I'm not suppose to. How long can I still stand the pain? Building a house on the sand, just like drowning myself in the water.

Sorry isn't what I want, I'm tired of all the excuses, but that's all I get.  

I can never tell, what can I expect from you?  

只好让我的心慢慢的破碎

*****Crush It & Let It Turns Into Dust!!!*****

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~

❤The Lost Sheep❤

No matter how much I tried, I know and I know that you'll never believe. Although I am the lost sheep, I'm still protected. Something that I cannot lose, and never will. Am I on the right path? I can never have the answers and the door will be shut, until the day comes. I can see how helpless I am right now, I'm feeling tired. For a thousand times that I heard 'it hurts', feeling hurt for something that isn't the truth?

Emotion draining, the truth is I will never know when will it stops. Nobody's fault, I can never blame the rest for what had happened. Perhaps it is just myself, my own feelings that I couldn't let it down. Struggling with unnecessity which I shouldn't, ending up in misery with wrong decision made. I can never look back, and even if I do, things no longer be the same. Any simply mistakes or decisions made now, can cause a deep wound for the innocents that can hardly be cured. 

I can't find the reason for every actions taken, wondering that am I doing it just to hurt myself? Or I'm just the lost sheep that needs its shepherd?

Love is never about revenge but anger kills it all. Feeling happy from the outside, but what lies behind the happiness?

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~



❤Sleepless Night❤

Having sleepless night, waking up in the middle of the night isn't a good thing at all. Tired during the day, my emotion just drains off. I wonder why. What am I hoping for? Nothing! What am I looking for? Nothing. What's the truth beyond every criticism? There's no need for me to explain.

My world started to change because of every little decision I've made. I can't be sure nor can I predict. Putting on a risk, I dare not face the day without "being so used to have it". I tried not to think, not even to recall back, but it's like a puzzle, trying to arrange itself one by one. I hear your echo...calling me. A sketch that is erased and re-drawn every single tik-tok.

Everything might be the same, but not for me. I treasure every single bits that I can still have. I asked myself..zillions of questions that I can't even find my answers.

Every moment, whenever I heard that yer hurting, I can't deny that I still care. I didn't what to but I can't help it because I've always been this way and will be. Sneak on to what yer writing in the journal, at least I know. Full of hatred I can feel it, but beyond it, there's still something can't be removed or never will. Perhaps it's just me, thinking out of nothing. My heart sores but it's a memory, because it is the 13th of the month.

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~

❤When Love Turns Into Hatred❤

When love turns into hatred, nothing seems to be right in you eyes again. There no one to blame for, but myself. Everything that's happening isn't any one's fault , only me...but that doesn't mean I did wrong. No matter what people around is talking about, deep down inside I know that... as long as I'm not going on the wrong path, doing things I'm not supposed to, I can still stand firm before your eyes. I'm not afraid of all the obstacles, of all the bullets that will be shooting at me, I have my shield to guard me. You were never wrong about me, I am still who I am... but to protect myself, I must not be who I am. Do not rebuke or accuse MyPapa, it isn't His fault. I'm responsible for everything that I'm doing or will do. I might be wrong for any other to see, I don't mind and I don't even want to care. You, who loves me will see through MyHeart, knowing that it's pure and trustworthy, never betray itself. It's a promise that I've made with Him.

*****MyOnlyTrue-self,InTheReflection*****

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~

❤3 more days❤

Coming to the end of year 2010, ever thought what have you done throughout the year? I had a rough month of December, it has always been my favourite month but things are unpredictable. Well, that doesn't mean I have a bad Christmas. I'm still glad with my choice of being together with God on this very special day. Never fail to capture my heart and fill me with joy.

*****MyCandle*****

*****Look at my uniform for the ChristmasCarol*****

A little celebration for Christmas with MyDear and a couple for cutie Notties!!! Runaway from the ulu ulu jungle...meanwhile half of them..having lab work...o my....I had mine a week before, so...I'm rather free for the week after, days before Christmas week!!!

*****BelovedDearDear*****

*****Half of the cutie Notties*****

 Back at home, MommyDaddy always been the best. I had bird nest for breakfast alternately, home-cooked food for lunch and dinner. Enjoying the meet up with people whom I called them friends. Receiving gifts on the Season of Giving. Oooppppsie for my fault that I didn't get anything for my special ones. So so sorry...and a thank you deep down from my heart for those who love me and showering me with 'care' aka...pressie..hohoho...Happy Christmas...

p/s* you don't have to wait until special occasion or season to give gifts!!!

So what's next for year 2011, have you figure out what's your new year resolution??? I sort of have done mine I supposed...but couldn't think much for now. I have exams in 9 days time, and I haven't been working hard enough. I need someone...please please smack me for my non-discipline attitude!!! Can you believe it??? Study week on Christmas??? Such a BO!!! Reminder for myself, hard work will pay off!!! Gambatte kudasai.

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xox~

❤Tangled❤

The one tale that I've been waiting for...RAPUNZEL,with Walt Disney Picture presented,one of the most hilarious hair-raising tales ever told. When the kingdom's most wanted and most charming-bandit Flynn Rider(voice of ZACHARY LEVI) hides out in a mysterious tower,he's taken hostage by Rapunzel(voice of MANDY MOORE), a beautiful and feisty tower-bound teen with 70 feet of magical golden hair.

Flynn's curious captor,who's looking for her ticket out of tower where she's been locked away for years,strikes a deal with the handsome thief and the unlikely duo sets off on an action-packed escapade,complete with a super-cop horse,an over-protective chameleon and a gruff gang of pub thugs.In theater this holiday season in Disney Digital 3D, TANGLED is a story of adventure,heart,humour and hair-lots of hair,with animated musical is sure to promise you much comedy and laughter!So you think you know Rapunzel enough?Get ready to be tangled.Coming up on 25th November 2010.

Don't miss it!!!

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~