❤Midnight❤

At time like this I should be sleeping, well...I couldn't, for no reason I don't know why.First and foremost I feel really bad for rejecting Dear last minute.*I'm really really sorry for sudden changes even though I know that you would understand.Really do hope I could accompany you at bad times!*

I've been skipping cell group and church lately,not only that...I felt rather uncomfortable going for choir practise but thank God when I was up on stage everything changed aka my feelings and emotion.I just felt different despite all the awkward-ness.I couldn't tell why am I having these kind of thoughts,but frankly speaking I don't feel belong to the choir team.However,I am the servant of God,He's still my first priority above everything else.I serve a great God!As a little reward,He never fail to comfort me at all times.Thanks Papa.

I was excited to go to church last weekend,maybe because I haven't been attending church for such a long time,the best part,meeting pastor in person with a little chat I would say*3 hours ++ I felt great and I would love to stay longer but...had an appointment with MyDearS earlier,couldn't skip!

Sorry for the trouble of finding my church.They were given a very brief direction-behind Sunway College near the roundabout!O gosh...what a detail one...but they managed to find me*Applause.

We were all hungry,not knowing where to go, we headed to a nearby Lok-lok...one of my favourite,for a little supper and off we go to TAO! I felt really tired and wasn't in the mood.SO sorry if I've spoilt the outing DearS!

As days pass by,I wanted to update my blog but feel rather lazy to do anything else.It has been a month since my class last started and I wasn't aware what's going on yet!This is really.Thinking about it makes me feel depress.Arrghhh!!!I don't want to go under depression again!It's driving me crazy!I need help Papa!

Daddy called me today,asking whether am I coming back.A real short conversation,I bet he misses me but couldn't say it.O well....daddy has always been man-ly!And mommy is looking forward to meet me next week.I couldn't think of anything other than going back home!I really do need a trip back.I'm feeling rather awful these days=((

Emotionally shut down!I miss you IvyDear!

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~

❤Get over it❤

16 Oct 2010,I realised that it is finally deleted.I know that when it's gone,it will be gone forever.Every time when I see it,I wonder when will it be gone.Deep down inside there's a fear in me,knowing that somehow someday I won't be seeing it again...and yes it came true.I've tried my best to fix it but nothing will change without a second chance to be given willingly or even having the intention to fix it together.Every now and then I know I've been thinking about it,I've no courage to bring it up again or maybe because of my ego-ness that I couldn't speak a word about it anymore as I've tried so much yet disappointment came around.

Advice from people:There's nothing I can do about it for He will understand that I've try my best!

Some said it will heal through time,I doubt that it will.Although I've been harsh on things,I can't deny that it's something precious to me.And now,all I can say is Goodbye and walk away.

*****A puzzle imperfect without you*****

*****Never look back and farewell*****

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤Finally~❤

Finally the internet is here and now I can resume my daily routine with the cyber world.It's been long since I talk about my life.O well...this is what happened...

First and foremost,I LOVE MyLife now!!!Accepted into an awesome university but...for most people,they will say that "Why on earth did you choose THAT uni???Are you out of your mind?" Being a city girl for such a long time,knowing every bits and corner of the city explored alone...some think that I can never survive here.

Frankly speaking,yes I do miss home.It's the third week of my university life and for the past 2 weeks,I was back to my hometown but today...I'm stuck in TTS4,a place where I stayed.It won't be as comfy as my Sunway's home but...overall it's still alright.A master bedroom shared with my lovely roommate,who has been very helpful to me during my first few weeks in Nottingham.And of course,class wasn't too bad at all.I rather not but I have to admit that studying is in my blood.I've met new friends and it seems to be a new life for me.Everything here is new and I got to adapt myself in all situation.It's a huge....spacious university where I have to walk for miles to go to class.Tiring but looking in a positive side,it's a good way of exercising.I'm not much of a sport person.

As for now,days are getting much more busy.I have a lot of readings to do,preparation that must be made for labs,assignments are coming up,I would say it is rather exciting for me.I've done my first dispensing...and wow.....I didn't know I'm going to actually produced drugs.REAL DRUGS!!!I wonder who's going to consume it..hmmm....done my first and second dispensing with an excellent marks!O well....I'm born to be a Pharmacist!=P

Many events that are coming up,with the post that I'm holding...there isn't much time for me to take a break.Arrggghhh!!!!However being able to keep myself busying I just feel that my life is much more meaningful.

Apart from that....uhhh...I've been missing church and cell group for quite some time.I miss serving in the choir,seeing all the people that I care and love,being filled with the presence of God and most of all...pastor's sermon..Oooo gosh......I miss it badly...And my reports!!!!!I never forget about it..so....it's going to be a long long long report....Enjoy reading pastor!

Here's some bits and pieces about my university life.

 

*****First day studying in the Library*****

 

*****Stack of books I will be reading throughout my academic years*****

*****Day time view of where I'm studying now**winky***

*****Look at all the duckyS by the lake -Aren't they cute?Quack quack*****

And yes there's a lake right in the middle of the university!

*****Welcome to University of Nottingham*****

*****TheMainBuilding*****

*****NightMode*****

*****TheBridge*****

*****View from TheBridge*****

*****TheFountain*****

*****TheSA-Happening area & place where I have my meals*****

*****MyFaculty-TheFacultyOfScience*****

*****Finally-TheClockTower*****

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤MIX❤

Everything is finalized and there's a relief in me.Phhewww~I feel really happy and excited for the days to come as I believe that it's going to be an awesome experience.Frankly speaking,I'm actually quite anxious and worry for what is going to happen next.Surrounded by brilliant people,I felt like hiding at a corner by myself.Somehow,this wouldn't go the way I thought it will.It's just the same feeling when I first entered into college or should I say,it's like when I first entered NS,and yet God never failed to walk with me along the journey,sending me angels.

The place is really green,there are hills and trees,not to mention lakes.It's like a paradise,an amazing place to study.I don't know whether is this a self-comforting or what so ever,Mommy pretty much likes it there,and yes I love it too but....being such a timid shy person,I would say I feel really hard to push myself to face new people as well as getting adapted to the new environment.People are being really kind but I doubt that if it's true.

Speaking about meeting new people,I felt insecure when someone just treated me so well even on the very first day.Maybe...they are just being nice for the sake of being it or maybe they are just nice in person or it's just their responsibility.O well,it doesn't matter,that wasn't the main purpose why I'm going for it.Aiming for the best out of the best,I intend to give it all that I can.Although people think that I'm not going to survive there as it is such a rural,secluded area but I find it pretty interesting with all the facilities,society and clubs.As for my lecturers,they are really,I mean REALLY cool,I bet I'm going to make it through well.It ain't gonna be easy as what Dr Morris advised,work hard but play HARDER!!!

Need to re-schedule my daily routine from today onwards.First thing first,Girl!

So....BYE CARDIFF!!! and HELLO NOTTINGHAM!!!

A brilliant Thanks to BelovedMommy for always being there for HerBabyGirl!!!

It's like first few days in kindergarten~

I really felt like a lil baby*Blush*Should I be happy or what?@@Bless!!!

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~

❤It's hard to please❤

How can you actually tell that a person really do care about you?Even if they do,only with motives.How many of them really care without any intention?Or even care because they truly love you without asking anything in return?There's always a border line between friends,especially when it comes to the opposite gender.Friends come and go throughout life.It's just the way it is,but only those that would remain still being a part of your life,I would say,they are more than just friends,someone who is dear to me,being MyFamily member.It seems difficult to let go,somehow,to move on with my own life,I need to do so.

I wonder,or even doubt if my life will be better without you?Nothing that I can regret about as it is just a past.I've done all I can to treat each and everyone the best I could,but it seems like...it's not enough.People just have different expectations,some expect more than anything else,some would be moderate and some...they are just happy enough as long as yer there for them.When things went wrong,they tend to walk off my life,or even when they get nothing in return.All I can say is that I wish you a happy life

.However,I have faith in Papa,the best is yet to come.Someone that has been watching over me long before my days started.There's always trials and errors in life I would say,and this is where I learn to be a better person,to know who are and always will be my family members.

For all the broken relationships that I had before,even though I apologised and pleaded for a second chance that was not given,it's not countless...hmmm maybe 2 or 3 or more???Well,the work of healing is in the process,the good memories will always remain in my heart,something precious that I can never get,you taught me a lesson.Thank you for leaving and not giving me a second chance.

Nevertheless,I'm grateful to have people that would truly accept me the way I am,love me unconditionally no matter what,you are my precious.No words to describe how thankful am I to have you.To BB,thanks for always being there even at times when I was wrong and treated you wrongly.For a loving Papa that send angels into my life.

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~

❤Face it❤

Many things have been running through my mind.I thought I could get over it,sorted it out one by one,however it turned out to be a disaster.I tried to make things right,but it always appeared to be wrong.There's always something that would tell me about your true self.Should I say...I just lucky enough that it always pops out itself without needing me to check it out myself.Don't try to twist and turn,the moment I hear that very one tone of your voice,the moment I saw that expression,I knew that yer lying.I gave you chances to explain but ended up yer trying to escape.Well...it's okay I had enough,I believe,so as you do.Yer just one despicable,obnoxious person.It makes me feel so sick.I'm giving a smooth sailing to you.Travel safe.

I guess the drought has lasted for quite some time,but it rained heavily today and it was filled again.Haven't felt so cosy for ages.Time flies and now that yer leaving,I didn't had a chance to even have a glimpse.Sorry that I lied as I didn't want you to fret.

And...I guees I'm out with my decision.70% for Nottingham and 30% for Taylor's.Still under discussion.Cross my heart that I would make a right one and be firm about it.Even though I felt a lil reluctant to start my studies,I doubt that I am ready for it.However delaying it won't make it any better.It might be that I am just avoiding it.Final decision will be tomorrow.Heavenly Papa,please guide me.I need Your peace!!!

MyLilCottonBall just won't leave my side.He follows me everywhere I go and only me.I think he's more than an elephant glue,sticking to me all the time even when I'm sleeping,he is so hesitant to get off my bed.MyBoy~Yer existance soothe my heart everytime when I am down.

*****MyLilCottonBall*****

Good night for now!

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~

❤Insincerity❤

Sometimes,the feeling of wanting too much will actually cause you to be unconscious of making the right decision.No matter how many times that I try to make it right,unwillingness to change or forcing myself to change ain't gonna take me no where.At the end of the day,it will still remain the same.

My Life gets kinda boring.Everynight I lay on my bed,looking up the sky full of stars,I need another story,something that I can confess,without a mask on me.I've been on the brink,honesty is just a lonely word,everyone is being so untrue,neither being true to myself.I knew and I knew it but I just kept it hiding within my vision and let it linger beside me,obviously I can see the result.It's GONE!

Look how amazing I've gone this far,people are on your side not mine,belittle and assaulted me to the lowest.I don't care if all never gets in line,no longer chasing after the stars.I don't need another puzzle!I don't need another guess!I don't really like my flow and I'm going to refine it.Stay original and not gonna let it disappear.No one to blame for,no one to look for,it's all about me that I have a story.

 

Loneliness has always been a friend of mine

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~