❤26 MAY 2009❤

2006 onward, my days haven't been good at all. 26 MAY 2009, I found my joy and laughter through you. This is the day that you came to this world, and was sent to my family. My years gradually improved with the days spent with you. Being Mommy's little boy, I didn't expect that you would love me more than anything and anyone else. 

Every day when I return home, you would welcome me with excitement. When I am home, you would look after me, follow me every where, never leave my side, even though it's just a small home. When it's time for meal, you would come to me and we dine together. And when night falls, unlike the normal days staying in your own bed when I am not around, instead you would follow me to bed. Whenever I am heading out, you would want to follow, and yet sometimes I would insist not to bring you along. Whenever I am going back to KL or somewhere else for a period of time, you would stay by the door for days, crying for me to come back. Your shadow are everywhere to me.

Now, whenever it rains, I would want to run to your grave, dig you out and shelter you. I just want to keep you by my side and hug you everyday. I can't help not to think about you, wondering are you soaking wet under the rain in the ground, or even if you're still there. I want and yearn to see you every night in my dreams and yet dreams are not controlled by me. The moment you are not around, I cry to sleep and I cry to wake up.

I couldn't forgive myself when I think about you being bitten, seriously injured by the roadside, crying out for us, crying out for help and yet no one was there. I couldn't forgive myself for not being there when you need me the most. I couldn't forgive myself due to my own selfishness and stubbornness, you died in pain. I couldn't forgive myself for not coming back to you earlier when I can. I couldn't forgive myself that I didn't insist Mommy and Daddy to bring you over to KL for treatment.  If only...and if only...I am so sorry, baby.

Whenever I am with you, you are happy. My heart ache to the core that I can hardly breathe, yet thinking about you every single day. I truly wish that I could go with you, if you could ask God to take me along. You might be only a part of my life, but to you, I am your everything, the only person in your whole life. Life without you, I am struggling to live on and I realize you are not just a part of my life, but my world. I am losing half of my world. If only I am given a wish, I will never leave you alone ever again.

26 MAY 2009 - 24 MAY 2014

Love,

~Alyssa Cross~

~xoxo~