❤Imma Big Lier❤

I can't help it but to continue to lie to myself. Just by what is said, I can see that there's no longer a future. No matter how well I tried to maintain it, how much effort I've put, how much together-ness we have, there's only one ending. Question is answered, rather than accepting it, I deny.

Isn't it foolish? How can I do this to myself? Again and again, trying to hurt what I'm not suppose to. How long can I still stand the pain? Building a house on the sand, just like drowning myself in the water.

Sorry isn't what I want, I'm tired of all the excuses, but that's all I get.  

I can never tell, what can I expect from you?  

只好让我的心慢慢的破碎

*****Crush It & Let It Turns Into Dust!!!*****

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~

❤The Lost Sheep❤

No matter how much I tried, I know and I know that you'll never believe. Although I am the lost sheep, I'm still protected. Something that I cannot lose, and never will. Am I on the right path? I can never have the answers and the door will be shut, until the day comes. I can see how helpless I am right now, I'm feeling tired. For a thousand times that I heard 'it hurts', feeling hurt for something that isn't the truth?

Emotion draining, the truth is I will never know when will it stops. Nobody's fault, I can never blame the rest for what had happened. Perhaps it is just myself, my own feelings that I couldn't let it down. Struggling with unnecessity which I shouldn't, ending up in misery with wrong decision made. I can never look back, and even if I do, things no longer be the same. Any simply mistakes or decisions made now, can cause a deep wound for the innocents that can hardly be cured. 

I can't find the reason for every actions taken, wondering that am I doing it just to hurt myself? Or I'm just the lost sheep that needs its shepherd?

Love is never about revenge but anger kills it all. Feeling happy from the outside, but what lies behind the happiness?

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~



❤Sleepless Night❤

Having sleepless night, waking up in the middle of the night isn't a good thing at all. Tired during the day, my emotion just drains off. I wonder why. What am I hoping for? Nothing! What am I looking for? Nothing. What's the truth beyond every criticism? There's no need for me to explain.

My world started to change because of every little decision I've made. I can't be sure nor can I predict. Putting on a risk, I dare not face the day without "being so used to have it". I tried not to think, not even to recall back, but it's like a puzzle, trying to arrange itself one by one. I hear your echo...calling me. A sketch that is erased and re-drawn every single tik-tok.

Everything might be the same, but not for me. I treasure every single bits that I can still have. I asked myself..zillions of questions that I can't even find my answers.

Every moment, whenever I heard that yer hurting, I can't deny that I still care. I didn't what to but I can't help it because I've always been this way and will be. Sneak on to what yer writing in the journal, at least I know. Full of hatred I can feel it, but beyond it, there's still something can't be removed or never will. Perhaps it's just me, thinking out of nothing. My heart sores but it's a memory, because it is the 13th of the month.

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~

❤When Love Turns Into Hatred❤

When love turns into hatred, nothing seems to be right in you eyes again. There no one to blame for, but myself. Everything that's happening isn't any one's fault , only me...but that doesn't mean I did wrong. No matter what people around is talking about, deep down inside I know that... as long as I'm not going on the wrong path, doing things I'm not supposed to, I can still stand firm before your eyes. I'm not afraid of all the obstacles, of all the bullets that will be shooting at me, I have my shield to guard me. You were never wrong about me, I am still who I am... but to protect myself, I must not be who I am. Do not rebuke or accuse MyPapa, it isn't His fault. I'm responsible for everything that I'm doing or will do. I might be wrong for any other to see, I don't mind and I don't even want to care. You, who loves me will see through MyHeart, knowing that it's pure and trustworthy, never betray itself. It's a promise that I've made with Him.

*****MyOnlyTrue-self,InTheReflection*****

Love,

AlyssaCross

~xoxo~