It has been running through my mind. For the very first time, it went downhill for me. What a shock, and I was prepared for that. Expected...but never hope for it. Emotion draining from the peak. It's like the end of the world, but life still goes on. Nothing else I can do but just to lift my head up again and continue to move forward. Time is ticking, can I ask, please stop just for a moment? How I wish I can stay at that very moment forever. Wouldn't it be meaningless??? I wonder. Indeed I will never know what will happen in the future if I stop here.
I'm living in the grey. Not knowing which is white and which is black. No longer feel attached. How can I get the feeling back? By effort? By faith? By trust? By hope? By confidence? I've lost it all. Emptiness filled my heart. A loser. Tell me now, how can a loser be a winner again? Once again, I've repeated the same old mistakes. Again and again it goes in a circle. Break the bond and stop moving in the circle. First step has never been easy, but with the courage to take the first step, everything will be worthwhile. What are you waiting for then?
Counting down the days, it's going to end. By then I will have to see who is the lucky one, telling me the happiness you can give to. I can never deny that it sores, but it's the decision that I've made. Never regret, i told myself. Even if the whole world no longer mean anything to me, I will be happy. Happy for what He has given to me, MyFamily.I've learnt to fly solo.
It feels sad, but my tears were all dried up. No matter how hard I try, not even a drop that I can feel. Weird but good? My heart has harden, just like a diamond that it will never break. Beauty but it means nothing.
Strives hard enough, or even harder that I've never been to that level, still I have the same results. Questioning and doubting. O well... there's nothing else I can say or do. I'm tired enough. Give me a break. Deleting all the data in my memory. I need a new space from today onwards, to fill my new adventure of life. Appreciate my if you will. Leave me if you can't do it. Truth is all I want.
Love,
Alyssa Cross
~xoxo~
