The day that I fear finally arrived. A perfect gift that I received to 2014's birthday. I told myself if I ever found a reason to give up, to forget, to move on, to be happy without you, to stop crying because of you, to stop loving you, to... and to... and to...and... the list will never end. I finally found that reason. You said you are a philosopher, whatever quoted will definitely be better. You asked if I am jealous? Is that what makes you happy if I am jealous? For some reason, I will not admit, and I will try not to be. Is this a revenge that you are planning for? Well, it hits me.
One once told me, as long as you are happy, it doesn't matter who you are with. I tried to make myself believe this, and when I finally experienced it, I tell you the truth, this is bullshit. You can never be happy seeing the one you love with someone else. Cleared my mind from this quote.
I don't believe in fairy tales nor true love. I always convince myself there's no one on earth will truly love you no matter what. I'm still living by it and will live by it. At times, I would ask myself, perhaps there's true love but I am just denying it until the day that you've reached the limit, that is why, true love from you never exist anymore. Convincing or should I say, comforting myself that it also proved that true love never exists. What is true love?
You once walk alone in tears, until the day that you finally give up and turn away from me. And right now onward, it will be the start that I will walk alone in tears, until the day that I finally give up and leave by myself. You said it's 300 times more depressed that how I feel right now, all I can say, I tried hard to get you back, for me it's real hard, way beyond what I will do, perhaps you just don't see it that way. Everyone on this earth is fighting a battle that you will never know anything about it. No one can judge a single thing about someone else including myself.
You told me to be a better person, try hard to live better and keep believing that someday, you and I will be happy together again if fate allows, that's what you did when I first, twice left. I tried, but I'm not as tough as you or others would see me to be. I can't. I'm just a spoil dependent child. If only fate is true.
The one that will never stay, just as the pink rose.
All I could wish for, ask for, beg for this year's birthday, a memory lost.
Love,
~Alyssa Cross~
~xoxo~
