One moment I thought it is an important day of my life, and yes, trying hard to make it well. Brain-storming all over the weeks, working hard enough to collect all the budget that I needed.
I'm still in the mood for the very special day this morning. And yes I did, trying to make it quick, I skipped my meals and went looking for the best gift I could get. Strolling along the shopping malls, asking people for opinions, even tried to get some hint what should I actually get. Frankly speaking, I've got no idea at all. Over the years, I've never missed it during the time of together-ness. There would at least be a proper cake and a present. Thinking that it would be a great night with surprises, as well as tomorrow.
But that very moment paused, I was told that there wasn't any celebration for as long as you had lived. I stunted for a while, the feeling of all I've been doing was 'nothing at all' triggered my tear ducts immediately.
All the effort actually meant nothing at all. Everything drained off like water, or even worst than that, something that doesn't has a value at all, as if it doesn't worth not even a little bit of good memories. It was also the reason that there's a rush back then. Perhaps I'm being to naive, thinking that all you ever wanted was just a simple day off with love ones. From that very moment, the day of May the 31st, will just be a normal day to me.
Love,
Alyssa Cross
~xoxo~
