❤Sometimes❤

Sometimes I get so sad,

So sad that I completely shut down.

I stare blankly at the wall

And it doesn't matter what you say to me

Because in that moment I don't exist.

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤It's Just Me❤

Once again, I'm back to my very own cave. 'How are you?', is the most common question that people would ask everyday. And I will answer 'I'm good!'. I wish to say that 'I'm good' for real one day. But I doubt that the day come.

Browsing through all the years on what I've blogged on, basically just to remind myself on what I have been through all these years, people I have met, things that I have done and so on. There is a season when I was at the peak and a season when I was at the core of the earth. Deep down in every saying, there is a lie.

I tried to make things right again, but I was turned down. Regrets over my immaturity, I should have just follow my heart. I can blamed no one but myself. I ought to erased you from my memory but I just can't stop having a peek of your life. Yes I can stop myself from looking and the only way is to delete. Once deleted it shall never return. I feel heavy-hearted and didn't want to do so. Why? It has been 3 years until now, memories still run through my mind on and off. Yet I know life has been good to you without me. Admitted now that I realized how much you treasured me but it's all useless now because apology wasn't accepted. Perhaps  I have hurt you so much that words can't describe. Why do I still look forward to be accepted?

I used to be strong in the past. Determination! Optimistic! Where have you all been? I lost track with God, my dream and desire. Even had everyone that He placed in my life cast off. Life's screwed because I left. Pieces scattered around. There is a possibility to put it back together again, but it will never be the same. Why would I want it to be the same? I can't even understand what's within me. What I'm yearning for? Convincing myself to venture what's ahead of me and not what's behind. I did it but just for a certain period of time. And there I go again, back to my own cave. Why is it that on and  on I turn around and look back? If miracle does exist, the one and only thing I would ask for, Time!

Love,

Alyssa Cross
~xoxo~

❤A Joker❤

What is a joker? A person who jokes? Or perhaps it reminds you of The Joker in the poker cards? Maybe The Joker in the game 'Rummy'? A joker, something or someone that fits in for anything or anyone.

Translated into a more understanding way, it can be pair up with anything or anyone. 

What does it feels like, to be address as a Joker? In a situation that you can adapt, or perhaps suits anyone in your surrounding. Probably I'm just a Joker to you. Well, as it may be, you should just stop pretending that I am your one and only precious. I wasn't born to be your jokes, but my parents' darling.

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤Rubbish❤

There are several questions that I just don't get it. Was it wrong to hope or want your partner to be able to have a better life? I understand if you're working hard enough to try to improve, but not for those who did not even try to do anything about it, and yet just sit around doing nothing wasting time, and claimed that I should be satisfied with my life now. How on earth can I be satisfied seeing you doing nothing, not even having a proper income. There's so much that you could do about your life. For an intelligent person like you, you could have a better life, but yet telling me this is enough for you have not tried anything to improve but just sitting around doing nothing, sleep all day? 

Yes, I admit that I want a better life. Who wouldn't want it? Everyone wants a better life, and that's for sure. A better life from the same person, and not from a different person. Yes, we do have expectation, but I expect more from the same person. Are you expecting more from a different person? If you were to have a better life, you would expect to have someone younger or prettier? Is that all what yer looking for all this while? Physical satisfaction? You once seek for a younger and prettier one. And that's the excuse you have for not working harder, or even try to gain a better life? Just because you have nothing, therefore you can love me, and from the day you have something, you can no longer love me, just because of physical satisfaction? It's true that when you have something, there'll will be millions of flies surrounding you, or perhaps someone even better that me? So what? At the end of the day, it only comes to one conclusion, that is your heart. If you truly love me, even someone better appears, you wouldn't even had an eye on her. So, you tell me that you would want someone better than me when you have something? Is that all the reason you can give me? Or maybe you just never truly love me, hoping to get someone better from time to time? O yes, do bear in mind, I'm a QUICK LEARNER, and I LEARN FAST!
You concluded that I am selfish. I wouldn't deny that because I learnt to be selfish and to love myself more from what you have done to me. From others point of view, they may mocked at me, gossip at me that I've once left you, being ungrateful. People may sympathized you, said that you're just too good for me, or even stupid enough to forgive me and have me back. I do not care what they would think or rumors about me, because they are just an idiotic jackass that doesn't know what's behind the curtain, a true story that was buried. My lesson, stop bragging about how much you love me because I will never ever trust you. If that's what you said, that's what you will get! I do not speak out of anger, but out of the voice of a young girl with broken heart, not just into two, but crushed into ashes.

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤Pandora Heart❤

Anime, I would say it's one of my hobby which I'm obsessed with. You might be surprised, but I would call myself Otaku, an anime, manga and online games fanatic. One thing that I'm good at, is that I wouldn't mind staying at home for the whole day, as long as I have my anime, manga and online games to watch, read and play. Some people might feel that I have a weird interest, as a girl, but, o well, I'm just happy for being who I am.

Pandora Heart, is a manga series by Jun Mochizuki, which is also been made into an anime version.

Oz Bezariusu, heir to an aristocratic family, 'Duke of the Bezariusu family', which is on of the four great duke houses, who has just turned fifteen, live a rich and carefree life with his sister, Ada and his loyal servant, Gilbert. However, his memory was darkened only by the constant absence of his father, Zai Bezariusu. He has been staying in the 'mansion of the ceremony of adult' in order to perform the 'Coming of Age' ceremony. During his stay, Oz has been exploring the mansion of the squire with Gilbert and Ada, who is led to the sound of a mysterious music box and the discovered an underground space of the courtyard. There is a tomb where the old pocket watch with music box was placed hanging at the monument.


During the ceremony, when Oz was about to say the word of oath in front of the 'Clock Tower of Silence', which has stopped moving a hundred years ago, the bell rings. The guest of the ceremony are frozen in time and Oz is thrown into Abbys by a group of red-hooded people for his 'sin of existence'. Abbys, is said to be a different dimension of the world whereby time doesn't truly exist. It can appear to be a hell-like prison or a broken toy box. Oz is rescued by a Chain named Alice, the Bloodstained Black Rabbit, B-Rabbit. Oz managed to escape from Abbys by signing a contract with Alice. However, they are unable to return to the same time of period as the time when Oz has left to Abbys, but rather that they arrived in the future of 10 years later. The journey begins as Oz unfold the mystery of Alice's memories, the truth behind the Tragedy of Saburie that happened hundred years ago and the organization known as Pandora. Along the way, Oz reunited with Gilbert, who is his best friend and loyal servant. Break Xerxes, a servant of the Rainsworth Dukedom aslo known as Kevin Legnard for his real name, is sent by Sharon, the Lady of Rainsworth, to join Oz, Gil and Alice whenever they are off to locate the seal encasing one on Jack's body part. Jack Bezariusu is the hero of the Tragedy of Saburie 100 years ago, the one who 'defeated' Glen Baskerville and the maker of the pocket watch music box. He also appears in Alice's memories and Oz's illusion.


The story line is filled with emotion and tender moments of love and friendship besides having to grasp hold the bits and pieces of the flash back of each and every characters in order to unravel the memories of Alice and the truth behind the Tragedy of Saburie. All the characters that comes along the story have a tragic past that explains how did they ended up in their current situation. What caught hold my heart the most is the loyalty of Oz's best friend and servant, Gilbert, who remains loyal to his master, Oz, during Oz's time in Abbys even though 10 years has passed by. He sees Oz as the most important person, being protective towards Oz in every situation even if he is meant to sacrifice his life for Oz, and care deeply about little things as in the hat given by Ada. He is adopted by the Nightray family that is arranged by Break Xerxes, which he sees it as a betrayal to the Bezariusu's family, in exchange for the information of the Nightray's doings because he learns that by contracting  with the Nightray's chain, 'Raven', might give him the power to rescue Oz from Abbys.


I would say that this is a fantasy themed anime full of adventures and mysteries with cool characters and bishounen heaven.


Here's some pictures to give you a brief idea about the anime. Enjoy~

  

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤Effortless❤

One moment I thought it is an important day of my life, and yes, trying hard to make it well. Brain-storming all over the weeks, working hard enough to collect all the budget that I needed.

I'm still in the mood for the very special day this morning. And yes I did, trying to make it quick, I skipped my meals and went looking for the best gift I could get. Strolling along the shopping malls, asking people for opinions, even tried to get some hint what should I actually get. Frankly speaking, I've got no idea at all. Over the years, I've never missed it during the time of together-ness. There would at least be a proper cake and a present. Thinking that it would be a great night with surprises, as well as tomorrow. 

But that very moment paused, I was told that there wasn't any celebration for as long as you had lived. I stunted for a while, the feeling of  all I've been doing was 'nothing at all' triggered my tear ducts immediately.

All the effort actually meant nothing at all. Everything drained off like water, or even worst than that, something that doesn't has a value at all, as if it doesn't worth not even a little bit of good memories. It was also the reason that there's a rush back then. Perhaps I'm being to naive, thinking that all you ever wanted was just a simple day off with love ones. From that very moment, the day of May the 31st, will just be a normal day to me. 

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤What Matters?❤

On a lonely path I travel

No one to talk to

No one to express to

Nobody sees the pain beyond the eyes of tear

I hold me own hands

And wipe my own tears

None would understand the load of loneliness behind my back

Whom to ask? Whom to explain?

Shutting down in my own world

Who would give a damn

Nobody cares

I expected rainbow after the rain

But I am getting wet in the rain of darkness

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤The Gallerie❤

After so long trapping myself with all the workloads and set up, I finally have got the chance for a lil chill out provided with, I would say a proper meal of the day. It was my off day for the week, although it wasn't a grand meal but what's worth more than spending your precious time with love ones, isn't it? 

Heading to The Gallerie, it was my first time there. The area has an unique architecture building, it reminds me of Taylor University College, perhaps it's because of the red and white color of the building. It has a quiet atmosphere, a place to chillax would be a good choice. I ordered a Creamy Butter Sauce Fish Fillet which comes together with fried rice and a glass of Papaya Milk. The fish fillet is crispy dipped with the creamy butter sauce, add on with the aromatic fried rice, it's a perfect meal of the day.

I'm always picky when it comes to ordering fresh juice. Some restaurants claim that their juice is fresh, but ended up with disappointment, it wasn't fresh at all, instead it is made by using fruit syrup. However, this cafe surprises me with a pure blended papaya milk. I rated it 5 star for the fresh juice menu.

On the other hand, if you're craving for local food,  fried kuey teow and bee hoon dipped in their special made soup would be one of the choice. Added on with their special home menu drink, Ice blended Strawberry with Vanilla Ice cream as the topping. However, do take note that their ice blended drink ain't fresh. I would prefer a fresh blended juice for a healthy meal.

Overall, I would visit this cafe again in time to come. One of the good choice for clean and peaceful cafe in Klang area, located right beside the Bank of China.

Till then.

*****My Meal of The Day***** 

 *p/s Apologize for not posting pictures of the cafe, forgot to shoot some >.<

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤Never Fail Beloved❤

It's bonding time. Despite all my tight schedule, I always make an effort to cancel off all my appointments and dates just to meet my dear, Ivy. No matter how long we've never seen each other, we never fail to be as close as usual, or even closer than you would imagine. 

Life still goes on, in 6 months time, dear Ivy will be flying off to UK to further her studies. Not to mention, she's a brilliant girl doing her medic in IMU right now. Come to think that yer leaving so soon, I feel heavy-hearten. We'll never get to hang out anymore or perhaps lesser. She has always been my sushi, shopping and adventure partner as well as heart-to-heart dear all these while, who would accompany me doing all these again after you've left? *melancholy* Still, keeping all the sorrows and sadness in me, I ought to give her the best memories we could have on our every single date.

On our very first outing after being busy with our own stuff, first stop, luncheon at Sushi Zanmai Sunway Pyramid. I've been craving for sushi and finally I can have it. Ikura chawanmushi is a must for me whenever I'm there. Ordering all my favourite, and we're overloaded. Off we go for dear's prom dress hunting in pyramid, meanwhile I'm topping up some of my cosmetic. O yea.. by the way, Sunway Pyramid has always been our favorite spot to shop followed by Pavillion and KLCC. After a long hectic week, we decided to watch a movie, to bring us to a world beyond our imagination escaping all the human earth? *chuckle* We watched Ghost Rider 2 and it's in BeaniePlex. Silly us were lost finding out auditorium in TGV Sunway Pyramid. Coming back to reality, we can't help it but to spend the rest of our time shouting out of our lungs by singing at Redbox, although it's kinda pricey on Saturday. O well, everything pays off as long as yer with your love ones. 

Never will I find someone like dear in my life, she a darling to me, a person that's honest who doesn't judge me in all that I've done yet correct me when I am wrong, knowing every bits and pieces about me, loving me just because I am who I am, never fail to be there for me and support all my decisions. I don't know how can I measure the love I have for you. Thanks for being such a wonderful love of my life. No matter where on earth you'll be at, yer my darling, always *Sobbing*

*****2's Shopaholic*****

*****Comfy Beanie beanie*****

*****My Love*****

Love

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~

❤Bloglovin❤

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❤Mommy Birthday 2012❤

It's February and guess what, it's Mommy's birthday. On the month of February, I would remember nothing but Mommy's birthday. People will be talking about Valentine's plan and so on, but to me, it will never be as exciting as Mommy's birthday. I have no plans on Valentine's but for the very special day, 17th of February, I'm all in. Arranging my time and schedule in order to make myself available for Mommy. I drove all the way back to hometown,*alone* it was my first time actually, but I was happy and excited to meet Mommy. This year I bought Mommy a green tea cake from RT Bakery. It was a last minute shopping and I doubted that it will be good. To my surprise Mommy loves it and she was happy that all of us were back for her birthday. What would the heart of a mother expect other than having her own children by her side? Happy Birthday to my dearest Mommy.

*****CottonBall & Mommy***** 

*****Make a Wish***** 

*****Puff*****

*****May All The Birthday Wishes Come True*****

*****Heart*****

*****My Everything*****

As for the fourteen, a surprise hearty breakfast was ready on thr table as i woke up in the morning. Unlike everyone else who were busy celebrating with their couple at exclusive restaurant for a candle light dinner, I spent my valentine's with my love one at Genting. One of my favorite must do while I'm at Genting , tadaa... having my favorite Vanilla Latte at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf Cafe. It was a simple day out yet a memorable one for me. This is what I call Little Happiness. 小小的幸福！And I had a pinkish valentine's with pink roses and pink cupcakes.

*****Hearty Breakfast*****

*****Little Pinkish Valentine's*****

*****Spot the Rainbow***** 

*****I'm loved even by the Waiter***** 

*****Check out for more of my bits & pieces*****

Love,

Alyssa Cross

~xoxo~